


Spam

by VickyVicarious



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, Izaya meanwhile is having a wonderful time, Namie is fed up as always, set sometime s1 I guess it doesn't matter much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:48:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VickyVicarious/pseuds/VickyVicarious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Izaya is a troll. As usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spam

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a little misfire fill for a post on the DRRR kinkmeme. The 'prompt' is the first line.

> Can we get some screening of comments up in here? I am so fed up with 200 messages of spam every day.

"Oh, Shizu-chan, so foolish..." Orihara Izaya, informist supreme, snickered at his computer screen. "Don't you understand the internet? You want to censor the voices of my beloved humans? If you aren't interested in what they have to say, why did you join Dollars at all?"

The more he went on, the louder his voice got, and the more amused until it started to sound downright unstable. "Ah, ah~ As long as I'm asking, you beast, what kind of idiot picks such an obvious username? Really, you're just  _asking_  for this, the only question is which thread should I set you up to follow next - Erika's or my sisters'? Both are very popular, 200 messages a day is just the beginning, ahahaha!"

"So, what will it be: perverted fantasies about your little brother, or ones about you and  _me_?" Izaya cackled at his laptop, fingers flying across the keyboard at ridiculous speeds. "Well, why not both?! I'm looking forward to seeing you destroy your phone in anger, Shizu-chan~! Especially because such a stupid protozoan like you doesn't even know how to tell he's been hacked or that all he has to do is unsubscribe. I wonder, how many phones will you go through before someone clues you in? I'm betting at least five, Namie what do you think?"

Across the room, Izaya's secretary scowled. "I don't care. No one does but you, with your freaky obsession with Heiwajima. Also, I've told you to stop talking to your laptop like Heiwajima can hear. It's creepy."

"Your honesty is my least favorite thing about you, Namie!" Izaya proclaimed cheerfully, still typing ferociously. He had a vicious shark's grin and every so often took a break to spin around in his chair with his head thrown back in laughter. This went on for several minutes more, until he a final 'enter' with a flourish: "There! A little present for you, my dear monster!"

"'My dear monster', really?" Namie drawled. "Isn't your little crush getting out of control?"

Izaya cut a glare at her, before it melted away into a sickly-sweet smile. "Oh Namie, all you have to say is 'I'm bored.' Don't worry, I have  _days_  of paperwork for you - well, I need it by tomorrow, though, or no paycheck for you. I'm sure you'll work hard to provide for Seiji!"

He dropped a stack of paperwork on the coffee table in front of her, then sauntered out of the apartment with a casual wave goodbye. He made no mention of where he was going, but it wasn't exactly a mystery - not half an hour later, Dollars forums were blowing up about the Fortissimo going on another rampage, apparently having flung his cellphone the length of two city blocks to hit a certain informant in the back, before following it up with a roar of "IIIIZAAAAYAAAA-KUUUUUN" and a vending machine.

Namie sighed, and picked up a pen. Just another day on the job.


End file.
